At many schools, admissions teams are unable to interview each applicant. Through alumni interviews, they rely the alumni to help give them a “personal perspective.” Let’s face it–on paper a lot of applicants look the same. Pretty impressive, actually. So the interview, though far from the most critical aspect of an application, might just be the tipping point.
In this blog, I am telling the tale of two interviews, two alumni interviews that I conducted. After the tale, I talk about why the “hidden curriculum” is so critical to any interview–from college interviews, to job interviews to that first date.
Pre-interview
As soon as I received my interview assignments, I shot off an email to each of the candidates, introducing myself and giving them my phone number to contact me. Yes, this was a test.
That evening, Candidate 1 left a polite voice mail message thanking me for contacting her and saying that she looks forward to meeting with me. Two nights later, she left a follow up voicemail, just checking in to see when we might be able to set up a time to meet.
The next day, I called each candidate. I left a message for Candidate 1 and I spoke to Candidate 2’s mother. Both candidate’s called me back that evening.
Candidate 1 and I found mutual agreeable time and place and set up a meeting.
Candidate 2 apologized for not getting back to me, saying that she “was really busy” (ok–just a side note: really? I have 4 children, I’m on the board of 2 non-profits, and I own my own company and I am making time to meet with you to help you with your application process. You are too busy to send an email response?). After the phone call and several emails back and forth, we agreed to meet, at her mother’s suggestion, at a location that was 40 minutes from me and 20 minutes from her. I agreed and arranged to listen to a conference call for the 40 minute drive.
Interview
Candidate 1 and I met at 10:30 in the morning at a local diner. When she arrived, I was already at the table. She approached and introduced herself, extending her hand. She ordered orange juice (“May I please have an orange juice”). When the waitress asked if we would like something to eat, she looked to me. I ordered oatmeal and she politely ordered the fruit plate (comparable price and type of food). She thanked the waitress when the order arrived. We spoke throughout the meal. When the bill came, she made a motion to pay, but I picked up the tab. As we said good-bye, she thanked me once again for meeting with her, shook my hand and left.
Candidate 2 and I met at a diner at 11:45 am. We met in the parking lot and she shook my hand in introduction. When we sat, she ordered orange juice (“I’ll have an orange juice”) and I ordered coffee. When the waitress came back, I asked Candidate 2 if she knew what she wanted to order. She replied that she did not want to order anything because she doesn’t eat lunch. We spoke over the coffee and orange juice. When the bill came, she made a motion to pay, but I picked up the tab. When we said good-bye, she thanked me for meeting her and shook my hand.
Post-Interview
By the time I checked my email in the evening of the interview, there was a thank-you note from Candidate 1.
It has been almost a week and I still have not heard from Candidate 2.
Analysis
*** This analysis of uses the lens of the Resilient Mindset Model. The analysis is a self-reflection as to how & why my brain responded to each interview. For background information about the model, please see http://centerforresilientleadership.com/uncategorized/the-resilient-mindset-model-overview/.
I bet you can see where I am going here. Both candidates were exceptional students. Both had exemplary extra-curriculuar activities. On paper, it would be hard to distinguish them. But in my report, Candidate 1 scored significantly higher than Candidate 2. Why? Because of my brains’ response to the “hidden curriculum-” the stuff that usually isn’t taught in school.
Candidate 1 did everything that she could to feed my grasshopper’s reward system, and Candidate 2 seemed to find opportunities to poke it. Let’s take a look at how based on the SCARF model.
Pre-Interview
By being responsive, Candidate 1 fed my grasshopper’s “Status.” By saying that she was too busy, Candidate 2 directly undermined it. It terms of the brain, it is really like saying “My time is more important than yours,” which really gets my grasshopper going (like you couldn’t tell that from the side note above).
This feeling of undermined status continued with the back-and-forth emails trying to find a time to meet. In addition, by suggesting a place that was more convenient to her than me, it reinforced the idea of her time being more important than mine. To my grasshopper, it felt like she thought she was doing me a favor by meeting with me. This also triggered the idea of “fairness.” My grasshopper thought that she should be making more of an effort, so it didn’t feel like I was getting a fair deal. This did not sit well.
Interview
During the interview, ordering food is an opportunity. In the first place, make no mistake–people notice manners. Saying please and thank you is polite because demonstrates respect.
Additionally, by deferring to me, waiting to see what I ordered, and mirroring that order, Candidate 1 raised my grasshopper’s status, relatedness and fairness. In contrast, Candidate 2 threatened each of the three by refusing to order. A meal is a shared experience. When she did not order, it made it awkward for me to order, and, therefore, I did not get lunch. Grasshopper likes lunch (primary reward).
Post-Interview
Once again, status is the primary area that was effected post interview. Once again, by taking time to write a thank you note, Candidate 1 fed my grasshopper’s need to feel appreciated. Candidate 2, once again, left me feeling like my time was not valuable.
So What?
When I sat down to write out the interviews, I tried my best to be objective. But guess what? Humans are not objective. We are emotional. The hidden curriculum matters because SCARF matters. Those primary threats and rewards determine how we respond at an emotional level, and they influence our actions. Understanding that might just be the tipping point between an acceptance and rejection (or a chance at a second date!).
